Sunday, May 31, 2026

How to Joyfully Serve One Another in Love

​Discover practical ways to serve others with joy and love, deepening relationships and fostering a caring community rooted in kindness and compassion.

​Learn how to joyfully serve one another in love and strengthen your relationships. This message shares practical tips, biblical insights, and personal stories to inspire you to care for others with genuine kindness. Whether in your family, church, or community, discover how loving service can make a lasting impact.

​Trevor H Lund is an encourager, writer, and authorpreneur dedicated to helping people discover peace, joy, and hope in all circumstances. He encourages others through his blog, podcast, and live casts at revtrev.com, shares his writing at trevorlund.com, and teaches in Live LIGHT Academy at livelight.ca.

joyfully serve

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I started this week knowing I had difficult conversations to have with a lot of people. Some I serve, others I support. All of them had to be done in love.

Have you ever had a week when you just weren’t looking forward to Monday morning?

Some people call that “adulting”. Other people call it life.

Sometimes Serve willingly

We’re talking today about Enjoying Service and I need to start out by saying “It’s not always enjoyable.”

Let’s consider something…what if God didn’t give the local church to us to make us happy, but to make us holy?

Sometimes things just need to be done. Sometimes we’re the only one who can get that thing done. Sometimes what we do isn’t noticed or when it is noticed, it’s complained about. Sometimes we feel that nobody cares. We can feel unseen and unappreciated. We can become weary in doing good.

Listen, that’s not the way God designed service to be.

We’re to serve Him and each other in a wonderful, reaffirming, self-effacing, rhythmic dance of joy.

You CAN have peace and hope and joy at all times and in every situation. I’ll give you some tips and tools to do that in the day-to-day of your everyday if you currently are—have in the past or will in the future —serve God and others without joy.

We have lots to get through today.

Can I pray?

Let’s start with what Paul tells the church in Phillipi:

Philippians 2:1-18 - NIV Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

Before we go on I need to mention something that some of you may be experiencing or may be approaching. I know that portion of scripture can seem trite or overwhelming if you’re not in the right place. Specifically, I’m thinking about something called compassion fatigue.

A word on Compassion Fatigue

In my day job I work with capable and caring people who care for others. When I meet with them, one thing I listen for is compassion fatigue.

Define what it is:

Compassion fatigue is a state of physical, emotional, and psychological exhaustion resulting from the repeated, prolonged exposure to the suffering or trauma of others. This happens in caring professions and it happens in the church.

Signs you can pick up on:

Emotional and Mental signs:

Reduced empathy, mood changes, cognitive difficulties, hypervigilance or a negative self-view

Physical signs:

Profound exhaustion, stress-related ailments (headaches, gastrointestinal issues) Sleep disturbances, Appetite changes

Behavioural signs:

Social withdrawal, avoidance, loss of interest, unhealthy coping.

Different than burn-out.

  • Burnout is typically related to work-related stress, feeling overwhelmed by workload, or feeling unappreciated in a professional environment.
  • Compassion Fatigue is specifically rooted in the act of caring for others and being exposed to their trauma, leading to "secondary traumatic stress".
  • What to do

When this happens, it’s important to always remember what they tell you in the airplanes—put your own oxygen mask on before helping the person next to you.

I’ve learned that if I can listen for signs of it and catch it early, we can mitigate disaster later on.

It’s like huge asteroids heading towards earth. Hollywood would have us believe we can blast them out of the sky when they’re right on top of us. But the resulting debris would still probably kill us. Those who—know more about math and space than I do—are working on gently nudging asteroids a long way out. Far enough out a gentle nudge is all you need.

So I listen for compassion fatigue and work to mitigate it in the moment and help the people I serve create plans to avoid it in the future.

I’m not talking about compassion fatigue today.

I need to mention it because my focus today is on understanding the spiritual and theological elements of serving with joy. And I would never pull out this list—that I’m going to give you today— if I was sitting across the table with you, hearing you may have compassion fatigue.

If I’m hearing you have compassion fatigue my role is to create safe space so you can self express your thoughts feelings and emotions with judgement, criticism or condemnation. You need to be heard. You deserve to be seen.

The message today is more about more about long-term far out nudging to avoid certain devastation. It’s not a hammer to pound you to do what I think is right—even though it might seem like it if you have compassion fatigue.

Back to Philippians 2

Philippians 2 describes God’s intention for the church. And it works, as we work it. We need to work it in the strength He provides.

We are to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. But in humility we value each other above ourselves,

This has to be a group effort. It doesn’t work if 10% of the people do it and 90% look out for their own interest. It doesn’t work if people are unseen or unappreciated as they submit to everyone else and nobody else serves anyone else. It’s not a dance unless we do it together.

Paul says:

not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

God has designed this to be so encouraging and it can be encouraging when it’s done in love. When someone stumbles we can pick them up. When they can’t walk together we can lift them up. All the while, together we are moving to the rhythms of his grace. It is beautiful, it is holy. It’s something like heaven will be. We’re serving one another in love.

Where are you?

I don’t know where you are today. I don’t know if you have compassion fatigue. I don’t know if you feel unnoticed and ignored. I don’t know if you’re in a season of waiting.

IF you feel unnoticed and ignored… I have one tip for you today.

I had someone in my first church that I noticed one Sunday in his regular spot. I hadn’t seen him for a while so I went up to him to say hi and ask him how he was doing.

“Terrible” he said. “I was in the hospital and no one came to see me.” I was shocked. “Did you tell me and I forgot?” “No.” Then I got curious. “Did you tell someone in the office and they forgot to tell me?” “No.” “Did you tell the elders of the church?” “No.” Then I remembered, “You have a Care Group that meets in your house, did you tell them? “No.” Then I remembered something else. “I had an hour long conversation with your wife this week, why didn’t she tell me?” “I told her not to tell you.”

I lost it. “That’s why James tells us if we’re sick to CALL FOR the Elders of the church to pray. How are we supposed to know if you don’t tell us? God has yet to lead me to a random hospital room to meet someone who could have told me they wanted a visit.”

It was funny. But how many times does that happen to us? We’d rather sit in the pew and be offended than bother someone for help—even when we need help. We’d rather keep on working because “Someone has to do it” instead of being a burden to others.

But God placed us together to carry one another burdens so so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).

If you are feeling you’re growing weary doing good TELL SOMEONE! We’re here to encourage one another. We’re here to build each other up. We will give you safe space to self-express your thoughts, feelings and emotions without judgment, criticism or condemnation.

Church, we can’t put ministries over people’s wellness. If you are serving anywhere and don’t feel supported or feel you need a break, you need to tell a pastor.

I would rather anything not get done than have people leave the church because they feel locked in and can’t get out without leaving the church.

What about waiting?

Now another thing that might be going through could be you’re in a season of waiting. I had a season where it felt I was put on shelf. No door would open. There was nowhere I could serve. Everywhere I was able to serve wasn’t given any support and instead there was conflicting priorities.

IF you’re in a season of waiting… I have one tip for you.

Times of waiting are not always easy times to get through. I think the best advice I’ve heard about a season of waiting is that “When you have to wait, be a like a waiter—and serve others.

I’ll show you how to do it with joy.

I believe the key to serving with joy is to serve with our whole heart.

Serving with our Whole Heart

We’re told in Deuteronomy to serve the Lord with all of our heart:

Deuteronomy 10:12-13 NLT “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul. And you must always obey the Lord’s commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good.

Remember the heart to the Hebrew thinker was the seat of the emotion—yes, but it was also the seat of the decision and the seat of the action. Our decisions, our emotions and our actions need to line up in order to be doing something with our whole heart.

So how do you serve with your whole heart?

Decision

Joshua 24:15
But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
→ Service is a deliberate choice to follow God. And it’s a deliberate choice to serve others in love (Galatians 5:13).

Action

1 Samuel 12:24
But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you.
→ Serving God is lived out through faithfulness in what we do.

We do what we say we’re going to do. We keep our word even when it hurts (Psalm 15:4).

Emotion

When we serve with our whole heart we have joy. (Acts 20:35, Psalm 100:2, 2 Corinthians 9:7, Philippians 2:17-18, Matthew 25:21)

→ Gladness and joy should characterize our service.

It’s more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35) When we serve others we’re serving God and we serve the Lord with gladness (Psalm 100:2). We know God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7) Even if we’re being poured out as drink offering we can be glad and rejoice (Philippians 2:17-18). We work to hear “'Well done, good and faithful servant! ... Come and share your master’s happiness!'" (Matthew 25:21).

Serve God and Others with our Whole Heart

When we serve God and others with our whole heart, a beautiful rhythm starts to emerge. We think of each other ahead of ourselves. We look out for each other’s interests. We do nothing out or selfish ambition or vain conceit. We honour one another, accept one another, serve one another, submit to one another, forgive one another, encourage one another, love one another.

This is God’s will for us in Christ Jesus - to have peace and hope and joy at all times and in every situation.

When we serve we should have joy.

When we don’t have the joy we need to be able to stop and access why we don’t.

Here are 6 Biblical Reasons Serving Can Lose its Joy

1) Serving becomes self-focused instead of God-focused Matthew 6:1
2) Pride and comparison creep in Galatians 6:4
3) Serving is done in human strength, not God’s strength 1 Peter 4:11
4) Serve others with wrong expectations Luke 6:35
5) Sin, bitterness, or resentment enters the heart Hebrews 12:15
6) Love grows cold Matthew 24:12

What’s the solution?

That’s a great question, I’m so glad you asked.

On top of all the difficult things I had to do this week, I got to enjoy developing the Be JOYFUL Serving Tool

J – Jesus-focused
O – Operate humbly
Y – Yield to God's strength
F – Free expectations
U – Unclutter your heart
L – Let love grow

Let’s unpack the Be JOYFUL Serving Tool

J – Jesus-focused

When service is done mainly for recognition, appreciation, or a sense of worth, it can become draining. When serving becomes self-focused instead of God-focused, joy disappears. Jesus warned in Matthew 6:1, “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them.” Our joy is lost when service is about impressing people rather than pleasing God.

Selfish ambition - Selfish ambition is saying or thinking “I need to look good or I need to avoid looking bad.”

I think that too often we do things because someone expects us to do it. We do it look good to them. Unfortunately, that’s often pastors or parents or kids or siblings putting on the pressure.


How to keep your joy:

Serve the way God wants you to serve, not the way others tell you should. Take the time to hear from Him. He’ll direct your steps.

Anytime someone asks you to serve—hey, can you get the garbage or would you mind stacking the chairs—but committing to something for a season—train yourself to say “I’ll pray about that” then pray about it until you find peace in saying yes or saying no.

Whatever you do work for God

Colossians 3:23–24 — Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Do all you do to the glory of God

1 Corinthians 10:31 — So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Serve for Jesus’ glory, not for personal recognition.

Tip: Do everything for the glory of God. I’ve learned to preach to please God. If I end up pleasing you it makes sense if you’re pleasing God. Or I might be telling you what you want to hear. I don’t know the difference.

If you have lost serving with joy ask Holy Spirit:

Am I serving for the show?

O – Operate humbly


Joy fades when a servant starts comparing their role, results, or attention with others. Pride and comparison rob us of joy. Galatians 6:4 says, “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.” Joy drains away when we compare or compete instead of serving with humility.

Remember Selfish ambition is saying or thinking “I need to look good or I need to avoid looking bad.”

Vain conceit is saying or thinking, “I deserve this”


How to keep your joy:

Practice humility and see yourself as part of one body. Humility is not putting yourself down, it’s seeing yourself as God sees you and treating others like they are made in His image.

Count others more significant than yourself.

Philippians 2:3–4 — Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Remember we are members of one body

Romans 12:3 — For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

Celebrate others and focus on your calling.


Tip: Comparison is the thief of joy. Gratitude is the gateway to grow. The easiest way to align your thoughts with God’s thoughts is to be grateful. Give thanks with your whole heart. Decide to give thanks. Feel grateful. Show appreciation to God and people.

If you have lost serving with joy ask Holy Spirit:

Am I comparing myself to others?

Y – Yield to God's strength


Serving in our own strength leads to exhaustion and frustration. 1 Peter 4:11 reminds us, “If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides.” Relying on ourselves makes serving a burden rather than a blessing.

…for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.


How to keep your joy:

Rely on God’s power and rest in Him. Godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6

Isaiah 30:15 In returning and rest you will be saved. In quietness and in trust you will have strength.

Remember apart from Christ we can do nothing.

John 15:5 — “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Remember Jesus will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28–30 — “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Ask God daily for His power to serve.

Tip: Stick to your capacity—knowing that changes over time and circumstance. God has given you everything you need for life and godliness. You live by the spirit so keep in step with Holy Spirit.

One of the hardest things I’m still dealing with is my capacity to work.


If you have lost serving with joy ask Holy Spirit:

Why am I so tired?

F – Free expectations

If we expect gratitude, fairness, or success in return, disappointment can kill joy. Joy is lost when we serve with the wrong expectations, hoping for praise or repayment.

Jesus said in Luke 6:35, “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.” Serving with strings attached leads to disappointment.

If that’s how we’re supposed to treat our enemies, how should we treat our friends. If we feel slighted or overlooked, it’s up to us to go talk to them. Do it for reconilitation’s sake.


How to keep your joy:

Do the good you know you should do and trust God with the results.

Galatians 6:9 — Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Work for the Lord

1 Corinthians 15:58 — Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Serve freely, expecting nothing but God's pleasure.

Tip: Whatever you do work with your whole heart as unto the Lord. Encourage others and you will be encouraged. Bless others and you will be blessed.

We need to encourage and build each other up. But while we can enjoy it from others, our greatest encouragement needs to come from God.

If you have lost serving with joy ask Holy Spirit:

Do I seek my validation from others?

U – Unclutter your heart


If hurt, anger, or unforgiveness take root, service can feel heavy and joyless. Sin, bitterness, or resentment choke out joy in serving. Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” An unexamined heart quickly turns service into drudgery.

How to keep your joy:

Root out Bitterness

Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

Bitterness is sneaky—it can start small and quietly poison your heart. The Bible tells us to actively watch for it, uproot it early, and not let it spread. Unforgiveness left unchecked always drains joy from service.

Bring Your Burdens Into the Light

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

Don’t suffer in silence. God designed the church as a family to support one another. Sharing your hurts breaks the power of isolation and invites healing and encouragement.

Regularly confess, repent and forgive, and keep your heart clear before God.

Tip: Risk sharing your frustration with others. Don’t give your frustration to everyone and anyone. Choose people of wisdom. How do you know people of Wisdom? James 3:17 - wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favouritism and is always sincere.


If you have lost serving with joy ask Holy Spirit:

Is bitterness affecting my service?

L – Let love grow


When love grows cold, service feels hollow. Paul taught us: “For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13 Without love, service is just routine and loses meaning.


How to keep your joy:

Repent and do the things you did at first

Jesus told the church in Ephesus to “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches. (Revelation 2:4-5).

When we lose our love we need to repent and do the things we did at first.

Remember what love looks like

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Tip: Ask God to renew your love for Him and others daily. For specific people- Ask God to help them. Intercede for them and give thanks for them. 1 Timothy 2:1-2 That changes your heart towards them and allows you to serve in love.

If you have lost serving with joy ask Holy Spirit:

Has my love grown cold?

Conclusion

When we serve God and others we should do it with our whole heart and have joy. When we lose the joy in serving, these questions can help us know what we’re to do.

Questions to nudge you to safety

Am I serving for the show? See - Matthew 6:1
Am I comparing myself to others? See - Galatians 6:4
Why am I so tired? See - Matthew 11:28
Do I seek my validation from others? See - Galatians 1:10
Is bitterness affecting my service? See - Hebrews 12:15
Has my love grown cold? See - Revelation 2:4-5

God has given us the tools of confession and repentance to allow us to throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. Confession is agreeing with Him that it’s sin. Repentance is changing our minds and doing the exact opposite. (We need to repent with our whole heart.)

Will you enjoy service? Will you agree with God that he’s given you everything you need for life and godliness? With you throw off everything that hinders you serving God and others with your whole heart? You may need to give up stuff that you’re doing to look good or avoid looking bad.

God is calling us to a wonderful, reaffirming, self-effacing, rhythmic dance of joy when he tells us to serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13)

Get help if you experience compassion fatigue. I firmly believe those hurt in community are best healed in community.

The end of my week

I knew I had difficult conversations at the start of the week. I didn’t know about the heart breaking conversations I had later in the week. I put my phone on do not disturb, knowing I may have crisis calls coming in at some point.

We need to encourage and build each other up. We need to share our burdens for each other to know. Sometimes it’s just giving each other safe space to self-express their thoughts, feelings and emotions without judgement, criticism or condemnation. Sometimes we can pray peace and quietness into each other’s souls. We need to give each other permission to do that. I’m not saying everyone needs to tell everyone everything—use wisdom in this. Seek people of wisdom and use some social awareness to know when a good time is to share.

End with a Blessing

Romans 15:5 (NLT) May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.

Can I pray?

joyfully serve

Sunday, May 3, 2026

The Rhythm of Reconciliation

​Discover how "The Rhythm of Reconciliation" guides healing and unity through understanding, connection, and peaceful resolution.

​"The Rhythm of Reconciliation" explores the essential steps toward healing and restoring relationships. Through understanding emotions, fostering empathy, and embracing forgiveness, this video highlights practical ways to resolve conflicts peacefully. Whether in personal or community settings, learn how to create harmony and rebuild trust by following the natural rhythm of reconciliation. Join us on this transformative journey toward lasting peace and connection.

Rhythm of Reconciliation

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​We all have done, and we’re all going to do things that hurt God and hurt others.

That’s called sin - missing the mark.

We can sin against God and sin against others. And if you don’t think you do it, remember Paul says everything not done in faith is sin (Romans 14:23)

There are sins of commission (1 John 5:17)—where I actively do something to hurt God and or hurt others—and sins of omission (James 4:17)—where I don’t do the good I know I ought to do.

We can sin and hurt God and (or) others OR do the same by withholding the good we know we ought to do. And my sin affects the community around me (Matthew 18:30). It’s not just that my sin is between me and God. My sin affects you. Your sin affects me.

When we sin against God

When we sin against God, when we confess and repent we will be forgiven (1 John 1:9) and brought back into relationship with Him. His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness (2 Peter 1:3). He empowers us to accomplish every good work prompted by faith (2 Thessalonians 1:11). Holy Spirit will convict us of our sin (John 16:7-11) and empower us to repent with our whole heart. (Joel 2:12)

When we sin against others

When we sin against others. It may not be as easy.

It makes things uncomfortable. You might not forgive me. There may not be reconciliation. It’s messy and uncomfortable and necessary for all of us to become more and more like Jesus.

It’s not easy—sin never makes anything easier—but it’s worth it.

This is why we need to better understand and learn to put into practice Confession and Repentance and Forgiveness and Reconciliation.

There’s a lot to cover so let’s start with prayer.

Pray

I should warn you—with all that I’ve studied up for the message I know I will be using it to rewrite 2/3rds of a course I’m working on called Live Unoffendable. We can only do a bird-eye view of it today…we will be flying through it.

So take the notes and search the scriptures and figure out what God wants you to do. There may be some sensitive things I blow past that catch you off guard. It might not have been what you were taught before. Maybe it’s something you’ve never experienced.

So if you ever need to talk through something, Karen and I are available.

I woke up one day thinking about the process and all the problems we can have along it and realized something that amazed me…it’s almost poetic. Look at how it lays out…

The Rhythm of Reconciliation

Sin
Confession
Repent with your whole heart
Forgive with your whole heart
Reconciliation
Love

It’s beautiful in its symmetry. It’s gorgeous in its design. It’s The Rhythm of Reconciliation. I would hope ninety percent of the time, this is how this should work.

When the one who sins repents with their whole heart and the offended ones forgive with their whole heart, it is a beautiful dance that strengthens relationships and makes us all more like Jesus.

But…you and I are being redeemed. We live in a world that has yet to be redeemed. We are surrounded by people who are yet to be redeemed or in the process of being redeemed. And we have an enemy that comes to kill, steal and destroy.

So there are ways we can easily stumble in this elegant dance of Confession and Repentance; Forgiveness and Reconciliation. We’ll get to the 5 Fumbles that cause us to stumble In the Rhythm of Reconciliation in a moment.

Definitions of the Acts in the Rhythm of Reconciliation

Let’s start with some definitions so we’re all on the same page. I’ll explain these as we go along, but you need to know where I’m going.

Confession

Confession is agreeing that what you did or didn’t do was sin.

We need to confess, to God and confess to those we affect with our sin as well. When we confess to God we know…If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) When we confess to those we offended it might not go as smoothly.

Repentance

two words in scripture - Greek - μετάνοια (Metanoia) change your mind, Hebrew is תשובה (Teshuvah) - Turn around and go in the opposite direction.

We’re told to repent with our whole heart. (Joel 2:12). Our heart is the seat of our decision, our emotion and our actions. That means we need to

Decide to repent (Acts 17:30),
Allow Godly sorrow to lead us to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10),
Produce fruit in keeping in repentance (Matthew 3:8)

That’s repenting with your whole heart. The one who sins (the offender) needs to repent with their whole heart.

Forgiveness

The one who is sinned against (the offended) needs to forgive with their whole heart (Matthew 18:35).

What does that mean?

Our heart is the seat of our decision, our emotion and our actions. That means we

Decide to forgive (Mark 11:25)
Bless those who curse us and pray for those who persecute us (Luke 6:28 )
Do what we can to live at peace with all people (Romans 12:18).

We do this because Christ has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13) and the Father loves us too much to forgive us without us first forgiving others (Matthew 6:14-15).

Reconciliation

Means making friends again. It’s what Christ did for us (Romans 5:10) so we need to seek it with each other (2 Corinthians 5:18) Reconciliation is God’s will for us, but it’s not guaranteed.

If the offender doesn’t repent with their whole heart or the offended doesn’t forgive with their whole heart reconciliation is impossible.

When either of these things happen we’re still to what we can to live at peace with all people. Romans 12:15-24

When it works, It’s the rhythm of reconciliation and it is beautiful. It’s like a dance. This is a gift from God.

The Rhythm of Reconciliation Review

Sin
Confession
Repent with your whole heart
Forgive with your whole heart
Reconciliation
Love

It is beautiful in its simplicity and powerful in experience. It builds relationships and makes them stronger. It’s God’s will for us—when we sin against Him and each other to confess and repent with our whole heart and the one who is offended to forgive with their whole heart and reconcile with the offender.

But, as I’ve already mentioned, we don’t live in an ideal world.

Sin never makes anything easier.

And what about evil in this world? Terrible things have been done to so many people. Where’s justice in this rhythm?

As you can expect the Rhythm of Reconciliation can go off-course and be left undone in several ways. We’ll be looking at the major ones for the rest of this message..

5 Fumbles That Cause us to Stumble In the Rhythm of Reconciliation

1. Failing to Confront
2. Fudging Repentance
3. Forgetting the Purpose
4. Forgiving Therapeutically not Biblically
5. Focusing on Justice over Grace

Any one of these 5 fumbles can cause us to stumble and make real reconciliation impossible.

Let’s look at the Parable of the unmerciful servant:

Matthew 18:21–30
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.

Understand how much a talent was. - 1 talent could pay a labourer’s wages for around 20 years (assuming 300 working days per year). Unbelievable amount was owed…10,000

Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.

Understand what a denarius was - It was a days wages. So 100 days wages would be 1/3rd of your annual income (assuming 300 working days a year). Insignificant to 10,000 talents, but impossible for most people who were living pay-check to pay-check to pay in one go.

He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

Have you ever wondered how debtors prison worked? I did when I a kid. I had to look it up.

How do they make any sense? You owe me money so I’m going to throw you in jail until you can pay back what you owe me? How are you going to earn any money in prison?

Debtors prison have been a thing since slavery has been a thing. What you’re sold for would likely only covers part of what was owed.

But in a debtors prison you have a family who can redeem you by paying what you owe. One-third of year of salary—for most people—will take time of spending less and earning more. If people are living on subsistence, this is a significant burden on any family.

The point: Your sin affects me. My sin affects you. A husband’s sin affects a wife. A wife’s sin affects a husband. A pastor’s sin affects a church. A church’s sin affects a pastor.

Do not take sin too lightly. I’ve heard too many Christians say something I’ve said myself too many times —“No one is perfect. God will forgive.” But sin never makes anything easier.

Fumbles that can cause us to stumble

The first fumble that can cause us to stumble in the Rhythm of Reconciliation is Failing to Confront.

1. Failing to Confront

When sin occurs it’s too easy to sweep it under the rug and think we’re being spiritual about it. “Honour everyone” can equal “we don’t confront people’s sin”.

Churches that focus on honouring the pastor get into trouble. We’re supposed to honour each other ahead of ourselves. (Romans 12:10, Philippians 2:3). It’s about us honouring each other.

Yes, those who teach are worthy of double honour (1 Timothy 5:17) but they will also be judged more harshly (James 3:1) so it’s not wisdom to seek your own honour (Proverbs 25:27). We need to honour each other ahead of ourselves.

A major church recently has confessed that they failed to confront sin—the leadership covered their own butts, but they didn’t follow Christ’s command to address sin in the church. And they admitted that opened the door for abuse to take place in their ministry. It’s ugly.

That’s not the way God designed us to deal with inevitability of sin—especially unrepentant sin. We’ll get to that in a minute. First remember what Paul told the Galatians:

Galatians 6:1:
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

Tip: I know I’m not in the right place if I’m ready to put someone else in their place. If I’m going to knock someone off their high horse, I’m doing it from my own high horse.

I need to be able to restore that person gently. I can’t start confrontation by being offended. I need to get right with God before I try to get someone else right with God.

Let’s remember that it’s Holy Spirit role to convict our sin (John 16:8). And He will—when we listen. Matthew records Jesus telling us:

Matthew 5:23-24
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Holy Spirit will also convict us to confront—when we listen.

Luke 17:1-4
Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

Three commands in verse 3 are:

  1. προσέχετε — Be vigilant or watchful.
  2. ἐλέγχετε — Confront or rebuke the person who sins against you.
  3. ἀφίετε — Forgive the person if they repent.

There’s no command to not forgive if they don’t repent.

Both the offender AND the offended have a responsibility to go to each other to be reconciled.

When that doesn’t happen…

Steps to Confront

Jesus gives us the steps to confront in the church.

Matthew 18:15-20
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

4 Steps to Confront Sin in the Church

1. Go to the one who offended you, if they repent awesome!
2. If they don’t repent, take two or three people with you
3. If they they refuse to listen, take them to the church
4. If they still refuse - treat them as a tax collector

Interesting enough the verses we use for prayer and not about prayer at all. They are about casting out the unrepentant. “Whatever is bound on earth is already bound in heaven and wherever 2 or 3 are gathered I will be with you and my father will do what you ask.”

Maybe we have co-opted those verses for prayer because we’ve ignored excommunication?

Sin never makes anything easier.

Paul told Timothy about people who shipwrecked their faith:

1 Timothy 1:20
Among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander,
whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.

That sounds harsh. But the purpose of Excommunication is Reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 2:5-11)

When someone has hardened their heart to not hear the Spirit tell them they have sinned against God and others—and they refuse to listen to prayerful confrontation—we bind them on earth and they will be bound in heaven and hand them over the accuser so that they can be taught not to blaspheme.

The good news is that this isn’t a common occurrence. The bad news is most people—when confronted on real sin—just choose to leave.

Some may go to another church and start causing problems there. Others may right off church altogether and choose to be offended that their sin was called out.

The first fumble that can cause us to stumble in the Rhythm of Reconciliation is Failing to Confront. The second fumble that can cause us to stumble is Fudging Repentance.

2. Fudging Repentance

If you’ve had kids who are old enough to talk, you have kids who know when they’re offended.

We have two kids and told them to “say sorry” when they said or did something that hurt the other or didn’t do something to help the other.

Kids know when the other didn’t mean it. Parents pick up on the tone “SOOOOORY” You can feel the eye roll.

Just as an aside: We say “sorry” too much in Canadian culture. It’s basically meaningless. I’m trying something different in my interactions.

Instead of saying sorry, I’m choose to be grateful for the grace of the other.

I’m sorry I was late vs Thank you for your patience.

I’m sorry I for rambling vs Thank you for listening.

"Sorry to bother you…” vs "Thanks for helping me with this".

I’m trying to put the others ahead of myself—to look out for their interests instead of my own.

But we’re not talking about personality clashes here. We’re talking about sin. And sin is something we take far too casually in most cases.

We can be far too flippant in our repentance and nothing ever changes.

Sin never makes anything easier.

Jesus knew this and that’s why he said

Luke 17:3-4 (NIV): "So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.

We Fudge Repentance because it’s easier if we don’t insist on it. “Well he said he was sorry,” even though nothing changes. We can spiritualize our reluctance to insist on true repentance and mistakenly call say “it’s for peace”.

The only people I’ve seen publicly held to account were couples who weren’t married and she was pregnant. Yes she had to be pregnant—as if a child is sin. That’s not the time to point out sin publicly. Jesus gave us the pattern. We need to use the pattern.

Sin separates us from our holy God. Jesus did everything for us to be in right relationship with him and has given us all we need for life and godliness. Just the fact we can be face to face with the Creator of seen and unseen should put us in awe. We should be Holy because He is holy. Sin can’t have place in our life.

What I didn’t know when I was raising my kids was the Hebrew understanding of heart—that it’s the seat of the emotions and also the seat of the decision and the seat of the action. Then I found out we need to repent with our whole heart and I realized that solves the problem of fudging repentance.

We’re told to repent with our whole heart. (Joel 2:12). That means we need to

Decide to repent (Acts 17:30),
Allow Godly sorrow to lead us to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10),
Produce fruit in keeping in repentance (Matthew 3:8)

Tip: Confess to someone you can trust. Don’t do this on your own. Let someone hold you accountable.

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

You can’t say sorry and do nothing to show repentance. We can’t reconcile if I don’t trust that you changed.

The next fumble that can cause us to stumble in the Rhythm of Reconciliation is Forgetting the Purpose.

3. Forgetting the Purpose

When we forget the purpose of each act, we can upheave the Rhythm of Reconciliation. So let me let you in on them now.

The purpose of Confession is Repentance (1 John 1:8–10). We need to repent with our whole heart. (Joel 2:12).

The purpose of Confession AND Repentance needs to be Reconciliation (Psalm 51:1–4,10–12) - not just Forgiveness.

We get ourselves into problems if we confess and repent just to be forgiven. We need to do the work to move onto to reconciliation. It has to be our goal. Reconciliation isn’t just patching the relationship it’s deepening it and making it stronger (2 Corinthians 5:17–21).

If the person we’re in relationship with doesn’t forgive us it shouldn’t stop us to rebuilding trust that needs to happen for reconciliation. Often that means letting the offended set the boundaries and slowly rebuilding trust. Their forgiveness of you is between them and God. You need confess and repent with your whole heart and work at making things better.

Reconciliation is NOT POSSIBLE without the offender doesn’t repent with their whole heart OR if the offended doesn’t forgive with their whole heart.

Forgiveness is about my relationship with God (Matthew 6:14) and how I treat others. (Col 3:13) Forgiveness facilities reconciliation, but it’s not dependant on confession, repentance or reconciliation (Mark 11:25).

Sin never makes anything easier.

Forgiveness has everything to do with your relationship with God. (Matthew 6:14) He has forgiven you, you need to forgive others. (Colossians 3:13) There’s a barrier that comes up between you and Him when He cannot forgive your sin.

Why would he do that?

I don’t know why fully. I suspect reconciliation is his heart’s cry. I know It’s for our own good. (Psalm 103:10) He wants reconciliation with us, even if reconciliation is impossible between us and the offender. So forgive early, forgive often (Matthew 18:21–22), keep no record of being wronged (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Spouses you don’t do your marriage any favour by waiting until your spouse apologizes before you forgive. I guarantee you, they probably don’t even notice when you go quiet. Confront them in love, not in anger. Let them agree and if needed repent, you forgive and get to reconciliation—get back to being friends again.

In safe relationships the purpose of Forgiveness is Reconciliation—it’s part of the process of confession and repentance; forgiveness and reconciliation.

In unsafe situations I still need to bless those who curse me and pray for those who persecute me (Matthew 5:44) and—as far as it depends on me—to live at peace with all people. (Romans 12:18) I need to forgive with my whole heart for my sake, not theirs.

Forgiveness is about my relationship with God

The Purpose of Reconciliation is love…and remember Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, isn’t rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5) That’s right…love covers a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8)

TIP: Forgiveness is about the vertical relationship. It will affect the horizontal relationship but it not dependant on those horizontal relationship.

In close relationship, forgive early, forgive often. Keep no records of wrongs.

Another fumble that can cause us to stumble in the Rhythm of Reconciliation is Forgiving Therapeutically not Biblically.

4. Forgiving Therapeutically not Biblically

Unmerciful servant continued…Remember the one who owed 100 denarius is in jail.

Matthew 18:31–35
When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

Listen to verse 35….

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.

Sin never makes anything easier.

There’s this thing going around Christian circles now that differentiates Therapeutic Forgiveness vs Biblical Forgiveness.

Basically Therapeutic Forgiveness is forgiveness that can work in a therapeutic situation, but isn’t so clear in Scripture. I use therapeutic forgiveness when I talk to people who don’t want to bring God into the conversation.

Everyone understands forgiveness. You don’t need chapter and verse to explain it.

"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die." — Marianne Williamson
"Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge." — Isaac Friedmann
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde

In the church, I personally label “forgiving God” and “forgiving myself” as Therapeutic Forgiveness. It can have some benefit, but neither are in the Bible.

What’s in the Bible is to live unoffended at God because it makes no theological sense to forgive Him. And nine times out of ten forgiving yourself is better called and confessed as the “sin of unbelief” since if God has forgiven you, who are to hold a grudge.

But other well-meaning Christians are saying “always forgiving everyone” is therapeutic not biblical and that it’s biblical to wait until the other person asks for forgiveness before you forgive them. But they don’t understand what forgiving with your whole heart means.

The commands in Luke 17:3-4 are to watch out, confront and forgive. We’re not commanded to not forgive. We’re never told to withhold forgiveness for any reason. Withholding forgiveness for any reason doesn’t line up with Mark 11:25-26; Matthew 6:12-15; Luke 11:4; Matthew 18:21-35, Luke 6:37.

I have seen far too much needless grief because people have waited for others “who should know to repent” to repent. I’ve seen the pain in relationships when the offended didn’t want to let the offender off the hook.

We forgive because Christ first forgave us (Ephesians 4:32) not because the person repented.

Remember what I’ve been saying this Rhythm of Reconciliation is wonderfully effective when we use it correctly. When we confess our sin and repent with our whole heart it’s easy to for the offended to forgive with their whole heart and reconciliation to happen and the relationship is stronger.

But even if confession, repentance and reconciliation don’t happen we still need to forgive with our whole heart for our own sake and because of what Christ has done for us.

Tip: Forgive because Christ forgave you. It’s for your sake, not theirs. It’s to keep your relationship with God flourishing. Forgive with your whole heart. (Matthew 18:35)

Our heart is the seat of our decision, our emotion and our actions. That means we

Decide to forgive (Mark 11:25)
Bless those who curse us and pray for those who persecute us (Luke 6:28 )
Do what we can to live at peace with all people (Romans 12:18).

Peace is the emotion we feel when we forgive with our whole heart. If you do not have peace about something that has happened you and for the first time you’re hearing you haven’t forgiven with your whole heart if you don’t have peace about it.

We can help you with this.

Living with peace has less to do with the severity of the offence and more to do with the lies the enemy have convinced you are true concerning the offence.

It’s therapeutic, but based on biblical principles of the Holy Spirit teaching us all truth. We let Holy Spirit heal the trauma of the event with the truth He speaks.

You can be free. You need to be free. Stop trying to convince yourself you’ve forgiven. Your emotions tell you what you really believe.

The final fumble that I’ve seen cause us to stumble in the Rhythm of Reconciliation is focusing on justice over grace.

5. Focusing on Justice over Grace

Forgiveness doesn’t negate justice.

We forgive because Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13, Matthew 18:21–22, 1 John 2:1–2 Matthew 6:14-15, Romans 5:8, Colossians 1:13–14, Hebrews 8:12) and if we don’t forgive others God can’t forgive us (Matthew 6:14–15, Matthew 18:23–35, Mark 11:25–26).

That doesn’t mean the offender gets off scot-free, even if they repented with their whole heart.

I will still testify in court (Proverbs 12:17).
I will tell Christians their marriage covenant was broken when their spouse had the affair (Matthew 19:9). And
If there is no safety or repentance I will counsel Christians to leave abusive situations (Proverbs 22:3).

We can do all those things and still hand our right for justice over to God knowing He will avenge and He will repay. (Romans 12:19)

Forgiveness is my relationship with God. We put the offender in His hands.

It’s never easy. Sin never makes anything easier.

Let me tell you the story about how I learned about forgiveness and what focusing on justice instead of grace can look like. I was trying to avoid personal stories this message because I know it will go long, but this one is too good.

A Tale of Two Women

It happened when I was young pastor—probably 25 or 26. I know every 25-year old think they know everything. I knew there was so much I didn’t know that I didn’t know what I didn’t know. But what I knew I really knew. And forgiveness was something I really thought I knew. I didn’t know—but I thought I knew.

I had two women come in about the same time.

The first one came in because she was looking for a church for her husband. She saw the sign we had out front and the lettering was pink. Since pink was her favourite colour and the sign said “Looking for a sign from God to come to church? This is it.” She took is as a sign that God was telling her this was the church her husband to go to.

Her husband had an affair. She was a believer, he was raised Mormon, but wasn’t practicing. She confronted him about her suspicions and he told her about the affair he had with a co-worker. Through much anger and tears she was able to lead Him to Christ —something she had been praying for since she first met him.

This put her in a theological hard spot.

Did God let her husband have an affair so he’d become a follower of Christ? I tried to tell her “No. God takes terrible situations and turns them into good.”

Since God forgave him, if she forgave him he would be off the hook?

I tried to tell her “No. Forgiveness lets you off the hook, not the person you forgive. He broke the covenant you don’t have to stay with Him…but you do need to forgive him, for your sake.”

We met several times over several weeks. Since she knew God was rich in mercy, she figured He’d let her husband off the hook. In her mind that meant she couldn’t forgive her husband or else he’d get off, and if she divorced him he’d avoid her wrath.

In one of our last meetings I told her—and this was a word of knowledge for her, I’m not saying the same thing will happen every time, I told her: “If you don’t forgive him—and remember I’m not saying you have to blindly trust him, and I’m not saying you have to stay with him—but if you don’t forgive him for your sake, in six months time you won’t believe God even exists.”

She was shocked. She didn’t believe me. God had been her only refuge through this mess. He was the only thing keeping her sane. How could she ever not believe He exists?

“Because if you don’t forgive others, God can’t forgive you. Your sin removes you from his presence. In six months you won’t believe he exists.”

About the same time I was counselling this situation, another woman came in to see me.

She was skittish and nervous. She sat away from the window with her back to the wall. She wore an oversized hoodies and kept her dark glasses on—at the start—but I could see the bruises and noticed how gingerly she sat.

She slowly explained her husband was trying to kill her. She showed me the button she could press that would bring the police to her position within two minutes.

But her husband was an expert sharpshooter and she knew if he wanted to, no restraining order would keep her alive.

I was a young pastor who knew he didn’t even know what he didn’t know. But I knew what I knew about forgiveness.

I was praying to God as I told her she had to forgive him for her sake.

She was shocked. “I can’t go back to live with him.”

“No, no, no” I told her. “You’re mistaking forgiveness with trust.” Forgiveness is between you and God. Trust can only be rebuilt in a safe relationship. Do not put yourself in a place where you can be hurt again. Forgiving someone does not mean they don’t face the consequences for their actions. It does not mean you put yourself into harm’s way. You are not a doormat for him to step on.”

She fairly readily chose to forgive him that day. We only met that one day.

About six months later I notice a visitor in our service. She sat in the back row with a big mile on her face. She kept smiling throughout the sermon, like she knew me. I didn’t have a clue who she was. She was a beautiful, physically gorgeous person. It was all a little odd.

After the service I made my way back down the side to greet her and she ran to me leapt in the air to give me a hug around my neck.

I think the first thing I said was, “Have you met my wife?”

I did not recognize her. She told me her name and then I made the connection. I could not believe the woman standing before me was the one I knew six months before. What she said humbled and astounded me.

She was able to testify. Her husband was in jail. He wasn’t getting out for a long time. She was in witness relocation and was being moved but wanted to come and tell me what happened. She no longer had to fear for her life.

“But,” she said, “it’s not because all these things happened that made the difference. Everything changed for me the day I chose to forgive him.”

As she said those words, I heard a noise and I looked over my shoulder and saw the husband of the first woman talking to someone.

He had been attending the church for about six months. He was growing in God, maturing in his faith. He was baptized, attending our home group. Him and I met weekly to talk about God and his life. He was living in the basement and they were living like roommates. He cooked meals every night and took care of shopping and cleaning up. He left his work and found new employment, as his wife demanded.

I think it was that morning before the service he told me his wife wouldn’t be coming to church anymore. In tears he told me she had stopped believing in God.

And in that moment I saw what focusing on justice over grace can do.

Tip: Leave it God, he will repay. Forgiveness is necessary, reconciliation is dependant on repenting with our whole heart and forgiving with our whole heart.

Our story of the first couple wasn’t over. Years later we ran into them again. She eventually forgave him after a long period of torment for both of them. They invited us over to meet their new baby.

She eventually choose forgiveness and they found reconciliation. I can’t recommend their journey, but do want to point out - it’s never too late to forgive.

Conclusion

The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold is called Kintsugi (金継ぎ), which literally means "golden joinery" or "golden repair."

The broken thing becomes more valuable because it’s repaired with gold.

In Christian thought the word is gravitas.

It [gravitas] speaks to a soul that has developed enough spiritual mass to be attractive, like gravity. It makes the soul appear old, but gravitas has nothing to do with age. It has everything to do with wounds that have healed well, failures that have been redeemed, sins that have been forgiven, and thorns that have settled into the flesh. These severe experiences with life expand the soul until it appears larger than the body that contains it. Then it is large enough to proclaim a holy joy, which makes the soul so attractive. M. Craig Barnes “The Pastor as Minor Poet” p. 49

People can have gravitas. Couples can have gravitas. Churches can have gravitas and I want to believe nations can have gravitas.

It comes through The Rhythm of Reconciliation

The Rhythm of Reconciliation

Sin
Confession
Repent with your whole heart
Forgive with your whole heart
Reconciliation
Love

Relationships grow stronger, not just survive. We—together—are being made more and more into the image of Christ.

If you’re wanting to grow gravitas in your life or relationship, find someone with gravitas and journey with them for a while. They will show you how to have wounds that have healed well, failures that have been redeemed, sins that have been forgiven, and thorns that have settled into the flesh.

Can I pray?

For those who are just realizing Sin never makes anything easier. Help them to repent with their whole heart.

For those realizing they need to Forgive, help them forgive with their whole heart.

As we enter this time of communion, help us to examine our relationship with you and our relationships with each other.

End with Communion

Communion is the time God has given us—as often as we do it—to examine our relationship with Him and our relationships with each other. Too often we breeze past it. I’m going to start with it today. Near the end of Paul’s instructions to the church in Corinth he writes:

1 Corinthians 11:27-30
So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep.

Who is the body of Christ? We are.

We need to examine ourselves Vertically and Horizontally.

Examine yourself -

Vertically with God -

“If I’ve done anything to make you unhappy, please show me.” (1John 1:9)

Confess what He shows you. Do what you can to repent with whole heart. He forgives and reconciles you with himself. You can do it now.

Horizontally with each other -

It takes more work because reconciliation takes work. Trust takes time. But you can start the process here and now.

“Does anyone have anything against me?” (Matthew 5:23-24)

If they are here - go to them and be reconciled with them.

“Do I have anything against anyone else?” (Luke 17:3-4)

If they are here - get in the right spot and go tell them, allow them to repent and forgive them.

When we don’t discern the body rightly we eat and drink judgement on ourselves (1 Corinthians 11:29)

Sunday, March 15, 2026

How to Pray Like Jesus Taught

Learn how to pray as Jesus taught in the Bible. Discover the meaning of the Lord’s Prayer and deepen your connection with God through guided steps.​

Want to learn how to pray like Jesus taught His disciples? In this video, we break down the steps of the Lord’s Prayer, explain its meaning, and give practical tips for deepening your connection with God. Whether you’re new to faith or looking to strengthen your prayer life, these insights will help you pray with greater purpose and understanding. Subscribe for more faith-based videos and guides!

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​When was the last time God surprised you with something really good?

What was it?

Was it something you looked for and searched for?

Did He simply drop it into your heart?

I’ve learned that the parable of the good seed scattered on the different soils is not just about the first time we heard about the good news…it’s about every time He speaks His word.

He’s always speaking but it’s up to us to break up the hard soil and throw out all the stones and rip out all the weeds so the seed that is sown can find good soil to take root and produce a harvest of 10, 50 or 100 times what was sown.

Stay curious, my friend.

There’s always more to learn about God and experience through Holy Spirit.

Can I pray?

One of the things I absolutely love about God is that he surprises me with truth I may have not known or that I might have completely forgot—at times I may not even be looking.

It happened again, not too long ago.

A few years ago I sensed God telling me to seek Him. I always want to follow that call. I’ve learned how I can seek Him changes at different times and different seasons. So I had to seek Him for how he wanted me to seek Him.

And I decided on a prayer rhythm that had 5 minute intervals for every moment I wanted to include in my time with Him. I may have overcomplicated it…but it works.

I felt his presence throughout my day. I moved things around and combined some and let some fall off and over several months I thought I had a pretty good system.

But I knew it was lacking something, I just couldn’t tell what it was.

Then I had a friend step up to lead a devotional for a team meeting. He’s a retired pastor who has deep wells to pull from, so he could do it on short notice. He decided to show us how he learned to pray.

As he spoke, the penny dropped.

So since he told me how he learned to pray, I reworked my prayer time to follow the rhythm and I was surprised how much of what I was doing fit. It was a different order, but I got most of everything in.

And oh, what an order.

My friend showed me how he uses the prayer rhythm Jesus His disciples to pray in his personal times and when He leads prayer groups. So let’s go to that now.

The Lord's Prayer

Matthew 6:5-15 (NIV) “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

It’s beautiful.

I thought I knew it. I’ve taught on it several times, but didn’t see how could so deeply impact my life.

I didn’t see it until my friend pointed it out.

I mean, this was one of the first portion of scriptures I memorized before I could read. I memorized in the King James version.

Matthew 6:9-13 KJV Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

6 Parts of the Lord's Prayer

There are 6 parts of this prayer--the prayer I originally learned. I know it’s five in more modern translations.

But by the fourth century we have liturgies with the ending because they knew it was popular for prayers in first century Judea to end. “For your’s is the Kingdom, power and the glory for ever and ever Amen.” It’s the common doxology—statement of praise, usually at the end—that was said by Jewish people in the first century.

In the 12th century, it was included in manuscripts. The King James version used one of these manuscript—that was the earliest available at the time. Textus Receptus It has the doxology. Our newer translations use earlier manuscripts that don’t have it- like Codex Alexandrinus- that’s why it’s not in newer translations.

But I include it in my prayer rhythm because it leads to just an amazing rhythm of prayer to go from Adoration and end with Worship…and it is a wonderful flow.

Overview of How to Pray Like Jesus

Let me give you the overview.

Adoration - Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name
Intercession - Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Petition - Give us today our daily bread
Alignment - Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us
Battle - And lead us not in temptation, but deliver us from evil
Worship - For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever Amen.

how to pray
Start the process at https://revtrev.com/our-father

Let’s unpack that…

How to Pray Like Jesus Taught

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name

Pray Like Jesus - Adoration

https://revtrev.com/adoration

We start with Adoration. We want to be more aware of His presence as we pray. God is always with us, how can we be with Him? The psalmist gave us the key the entering in with His presence.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalm 100:4

I’ve learned the value of giving thanks to God with my whole heart. The whole heart is the seat of our decision, the seat of emotions and the seat of our actions. When we decide to give thanks, feel gratitude for what we he has done for us, it naturally leads us to praise Him for who he is. It’s how we show are appreciation for Him.

So I want to always give thanks and naturally give praise to Him. I have some tools and prayers to help on days when it doesn’t come naturally.

Pray Prompts

Be in Awe tool- https://revtrev.com/be-in-awe/
My Be Aware Prayer - https://revtrev.com/aware/
Give thanks with your Whole Heart Tool -https://revtrev.com/feel-gratitude/
I Will Praise You Lord with All Of My Heart Prayer - https://revtrev.com/i-will-praise/

Tip: Don’t leave this time until you’re more aware of His presence.

From Adoration we flow right into Intercession. Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven

Pray like Jesus - Intercession

https://revtrev.com/intercession

Let me start with a verse that has revolutionized my prayer life. Paul tells Timothy:

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. 1 Timothy 2:1

When I pray Intercession I pray from authority Matthew 28:18-19 I agree with God’s will for each person and situation. Pray God helps them. Intercede for them, and give thanks for them

A. Our Family

Psalm 127:1 Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.

Our family, extended family, all the kids and significant others and future spouse, by name and by need. I thank God for them. I ask God to help them and I intercede for them.

B. Who God puts on my heart

Colossians 1:9 So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding.

For friends, For workmate, For church, Anyone I complain about. I thank God for them. I ask God to help them and I intercede for them.

C. For our Country

1 Timothy 2:1-2 I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity.

Nations Leaders - Our Country’s Leaders and Politicians representing me- Provincial Politicians representing me - City Politicians representing me I thank God for them. I ask God to help them and I intercede for them.

I have prayer prompts to pray in a more general way for people. I use these to jump into more specific prayers.

Pray Prompts

My Prayer For Family’s Future https://revtrev.com/family/
My Prayer for My Parents who are Aging https://revtrev.com/parents
My Prayer for My Future Grandkids https://revtrev.com/grandkids/
My Prayer for My Politicians https://revtrev.com/politicians/

TIP: Start with giving thanks for them by name, it makes a difference for how you intercede for people. 1 Timothy 2:1

From Intercession we go into petition: Give us today our daily bread

Petition

https://revtrev.com/petition

Our daily bread is what consumes our thoughts today.

If we pray intercession from Authority we pray petitions from Identity Matthew 7:9-11 You have a good Father who enjoys giving good gifts to his children. Because you have a good Father - Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6

If I have to work for it, I need to pray for it.
If I try to figure something out, I need to bring it to God.
If I need to find something, I ask my good Father for help.
If I’m lacking anything I need to ask Him for it.
Doing it with thanks opens me up to his leading.

How do you do that? Here what I’ve learned…

A. Remember to ask for

Psalm 32:8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.

My Health, My Immediate Plans, Help me find, Help me finish, Help me know, Help Me Create, Help me figure out. I tell God what I need and thank Him for all He has done.

B. Commit my long Terms Plans

Psalms 57:2 I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.

Dream with God, Stay on track with what He’s prompted me to do I tell God what I need and thank Him for all He has done.

C. Commit my Commitments

Proverbs 16:3 Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.

For my church, and my company and my work. I tell God what I need and thank Him for all He has done.

I have prayer prompts to help me petition my good father.

Pray Prompts

My Prayer of Agreement http://revtrev.link/agree
My Reflection on Healing http://revtrev.link/seegood

TIP: Keep track of answers to your prayers so you can thank Him for all He’s done.Philippians 4:6

From Petition we move into alignment: Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us

Alignment

Prayer is the place we exchange our problems for His peace.

I know this works. I don’t think all of you know this story. I starts almost a year ago. I was waiting for Cardiac Ablation Surgery and we were just about to leave to go to New Zealand because our son was getting married and his and his soon-to-be wife were graduating from Vet school.

I got the call and was booked for the week before we were going to leave. I asked the nurse if that was going to a problem that I fly around the world a week after the procedure. “Oh” she said “We don’t want you having complications out-of-province”. And said she’d try to rebook it after I got back.

But that word “complications” I didn’t sit well with me.

I’ve had too many complications. I don’t need more complications.

So—it took me a few days to realize I was thinking about it so much—I eventually took it to God and poured out my complaint to Him. God doesn’t mind us pouring out what’s on our heart to Him—He knows us better than we know ourselves.

As I complained to God He brought to my memory the times I’ve had complications with my health and He showed me He was with me and that He helped me and that He was turning it out for good. I felt Him ask me if I would trust Him with any complication this time. I did. And I felt His peace. I exchanged my problems for His peace through prayer.

We had a bit of a complication.

The surgery went fine. I had to lie on my back and not sit up. The nurses found one hematoma that was starting to form, but they worked it out. I almost pasted out and threw up, but the gave me some drip and and orange juice and everything was good.

A few hours later, they were getting me ready to leave the ward and two nurses were changing the dressing on each side. The one on the right was done and left. The one on the left was holding pressure on a possible hematoma when he noticed I had sprung a leak. He asked Karen the leave, put pressure on the right side and called the other nurse back. She took over and pressed harder and I started to feel like I’d be sick or pass out. They put me back on a drip and gave me some orange juice again, so I started feeling better.

And I felt appreciation for this nurse. She was working overtime to make sure I could make it home as soon as I could. So I thanked her and told her I appreciate her. She had been holding pressure the whole time. She replied “You have far too much joy for the situation you’re in right now.”

She was right. I was lying in a pool of my own blood. I laughed and said, “I’m just glad it happened here and that you could help me rather than at home.”

It wasn’t a delusional laugh. I was at peace. I had His joy. I knew He was going to use this for His good. I had taken to time to exchange my problems for His peace.

Hopefully this won’t always take a whole lot of time for you, but it’s good to ask these questions and pause to let Holy Spirit lead you into all truth.

5 Short, Contemplative Prayers
to Exchange Your Problems for His Peace

Confess, Address, Lament, Repent, Forgive

Confess

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Agree with God

Question you can ask God:

If I’ve done anything to make you unhappy, please forgive me.

Pray Prompts

BE STILL and Know Tool https://revtrev.com/be-still/

Address

1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Be still. Let Him show you.

Question you can ask God:

If I am holding on to some worry I haven’t released to you, show me where I’ve stopped trusting you.

Pray Prompts

CAST Your Cares Upon Him Tool https://revtrev.com/cast/

Lament

Psalm 56:3 But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.

It’s OK to feel your feelings.

Question you can ask God:

If I am needing to trust You with emotions—that may scare me—show me.

Pray Prompts

100 Psalms of Laments organized by emotions https://revtrev.com/psalms

Repent

Acts 3:19-20 Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord,

Change your mind and go in the opposite direction

Question you can ask God:

If I need to change an attitude or action—in your mercy—show me what I may be ignorant of or excusing.

Pray Prompts

TURN to repent tool https://revtrev.com/turn/

Forgive

Colossians 3:13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Forgive with your whole heart

Question you can ask God:

If there is anyone I hold anything against, help me forgive with my whole heart.

Pray Prompts

Forgive with your whole heart tool https://revtrev.com/forgive/

Tip: Do not leave this time of alignment without peace, hope or joy.

Because we’re aligned we can go into battles He has for us.

And lead us not in temptation, but deliver us from evil

Battle

https://revtrev.com/battle

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

We start by recognizing that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

We need to put on the whole armour of God.

Ephesians 6:14-18 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Guess what you have been doing?

This whole prayer time has been about getting his truth fitted around you, and His righteousness firmly in place. You feet are fitted with the Gospel, because those people you’ve been praying for, giving thanks for and interceding for have made you more and more eager to share with, your shield of faith is stronger because you’ve exchanged your problems for His peace. You have the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit and if your intercession list is anywhere as long as mine you’ve been praying in the spirit when words have run out.

Peace is proof of your authority. Speak life not death. Agree with God’s will in each situation. Pray the expressed will of God in Scripture for each situation.

It’s time to do battle.

Pray Prompts

I Stand in The Gap for my Kids https://revtrev.com/gap/
Favour, Open Doors and Personal Spiritual Breakthrough https://revtrev.com/opendoor/
A prayer of breakthrough for health and healing https://revtrev.com/health/
A prayer for protection for my family https://revtrev.com/protect/

Tip: Don’t demand from God. Don’t magnify the enemy. Insist on God’s will being done.

Battle done God’s way naturally leads us back to Worship.

For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever Amen.

Worship

https://revtrev.com/worship

You start out becoming aware of His presence, you go into praying and interceding and giving thanks for the most important people in your life and everyone God has put on your heart, you’ve taken your own needs to Him and trusted Him as the good Father He is. You’ve aligned your heart with His heart and exchange your problems for His peace and then lifted up the battles His given you to fight. From there, the only way you can finish and remain in His presence is to go into worship, and you’re once again back in the place He’s created you to be in.

What is our natural response to the presence of God?

It’s Worship

Who I have in heaven but you?

When I consider the heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, who am I that you think of me? Why do you care for me so much?

Yet you dance over me with singing and quiet me with your love. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

You have set your glory in the heavens. Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. Your name is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are saved. You are my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge.

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—more than all the sand on every beach on every ocean and every dune in every desert—and when I awake, I am still with you.

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Go out with joy and be led forth in peace. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures for ever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Pray Prompts

Who Have I In Heaven, but You? https://revtrev.com/heaven

Tip: Come back whole circle to the presence of God.

Conclusion

What is your prayer time like? Do you make space to be with the One who formed you and said “very good?” Do you feel His pleasure on you and feel His power through you?

Do you plead and beg or do you worry about nothing, pray about everything with thanksgiving?

Do you pray at people or do you Ask God to help them. Intercede for them and give thanks for them?

If I could give you a taste for anything today I hope it’s the difference gratitude makes in our prayers.

Jesus has given us a pattern. And instead of reading through it like a pattern or discussing about the pattern…will you live out the pattern when you go to prayer by yourself and with others?

Can we stand and pray the Lord’s prayer in closing? It will be an antiphonal reading

‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
We will enter your gates with thanksgiving and your courts with praise.

your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
We will pray your blessing, intercede for others, and give thanks for them.

Give us today our daily bread.
We will worry about nothing, pray about everything, tell you what we need and thank you for all You’ve done.

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
We will keep short accounts with You and others.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’
We will stand firm with Your full armour and rejoice always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances for this is Your will for us.

For yours is the Kingdom, the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen
We will stay Your presence and grow more and more aware of your presence. Thank you that you’re always with us, help us be with you.

Finish with closing blessing.

The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace. Numbers 6:24–26

Learn more at https://revtrev.com/our-father

how to pray