Why You Need To Have and How to Have Well Healed Wounds

Explore effective strategies to well healed wounds, promoting resilience and emotional well-being. Discover Biblical tips for meaningful emotional recovery.

Learn how to heal from emotional trauma with proven strategies for emotional well-being and resilience. This message covers Biblical techniques for overcoming emotional wounds, fostering mental health, and building inner strength. Whether you're dealing with past trauma or current challenges, find out how to support your journey to emotional recovery.

Trevor H. Lund is the founder of Live LIGHT Academy at https://livelight.ca/ and the Creative Storyteller at https://revtrev.com He helps you give thanks with your whole heart https://revtrev.link/heart Check out https://revtrev.com/tv for past videos and live casts and https://revtrev.com/radio to subscribe to his podcast wherever you listen.

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Why you Need and How to Have Well Healed Wounds

Jeremiah 17:5-14 NLT “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land.   But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.   The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.   Like a partridge that hatches eggs she has not laid, so are those who get their wealth by unjust means. At midlife they will lose their riches; in the end, they will become poor old fools. But we worship at your throne— eternal, high, and glorious! O Lord, the hope of Israel, all who turn away from you will be disgraced. They will be buried in the dust of the earth, for they have abandoned the Lord, the fountain of living water.   O Lord, if you heal me, I will be truly healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for you alone!”

Today we’re talking about Why we need and how to have well healed wounds.

Can I pray?

I was in a church to help launch a fast from negativity. I was going to explain the concept of “gravitas.” This description comes from M. Craig Barnes “The Pastor as Minor Poet” p. 49

It [gravitas] speaks to a soul that has developed enough spiritual mass to be attractive, like gravity. It makes the soul appear old, but gravitas has nothing to do with age. It has everything to do with wounds that have healed well, failures that have been redeemed, sins that have been forgiven, and thorns that have settled into the flesh. These severe experiences with life expand the soul until it appears larger than the body that contains it. Then it is large enough to proclaim a holy joy, which makes the soul so attractive.

As I shared that,  I felt I needed to expand the message. I said something like this extemporaneously,

“Some of you here take pride in your wounds. You wear your pain like a badge of honour. You think it makes you acceptable to God. But God wants you to know that your wounds hurt Him and what brings Him joy is when your wounds well healed. You need to have well healed wounds.”

After the service a lady came up to me with tears in her eyes. She told me some time ago God impressed upon her that her wounds would heal well. She said, “when you said that phrase – ‘well healed wounds’ – I knew God was saying my time of healing is complete.”

I was floored. I had just come from a long conversation with someone telling me how tough his life was and how he had a right to his bitterness. This lady had the opposite spirit. It was amazing.

Does having well healed wounds really matter?

Life often gives us opportunities to choose between becoming better or becoming bitter. God’s will is for us to become more and more like Jesus.

It’s never a good choice to be bitter against God. And the worst part is we can spiritualize it.

Imagine Eeyore is speaking:  “He’s the potter, I’m the clay. I’m the work of His hand”  “What is man that you’re mindful of him, the son of man that you’d care for him?” “Enjoy life with the wife you love…all your days of your life, all your miserable days”.

We’ve been there right?  Keep imagining Eeyore…“Don’t pray for patience, you’d just have to wait.”

Should Biblical truth suck the faith out of you?

When we spiritualize being offended at God, we don’t even realize we can be bitter against God.

Hebrews 12:15 (NLT) Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

Remember that To live loved means we love each other

We love each other as we love ourselves… Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8, 1 John 4:10-11; 2 John 1:5

Because He first loved us… 1 John 4:19-20

Our love is sincere, we’re devoted to one another with brotherly love and honour one another above ourselves…Romans 12:9-10

We share with God’s people who are in need and practice hospitality… Romans 12:13

We forgive… Colossians 3:13-14

We are patient, kind. We don’t envy, don’t boast and are not proud… 1 Corinthians 13:4

We are not rude, we’re not self-seeking, we’re not easily angered… 1 Corinthians 13:5

We’re unoffendable - We keep no record of wrong… 1 Corinthians 13:5

We always protect, always trust, always hope and always persevere. 1 Corinthians 13:7

We are united together John 17:23

And can’t be motivated by fear 1 John 4:18

love covers a multitude of sins 1 Peter 4:8

The only debt that remains outstanding is our debt to love one another… Romans 13:8

We can’t live that way if our wounds are not well-healed.

It matters that we have well healed wounds.

Imagine

What would it be like if we all had well healed wounds?

1. Restoration of Relationships

Healing allows us to restore and maintain healthy relationships with others.

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” - Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)

2. Personal Growth

Well-healed emotional wounds contribute to our personal growth and maturity.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” - Romans 8:28 (NLT)

3. Freedom from Past Hurts

Healing helps us let go of bitterness and resentment, leading to freedom and peace.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” - Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)

4. Strengthening Faith

Emotional healing strengthens our faith and reliance on God’s promises.

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” - Psalm 147:3 (NLT)

5. Ability for us to better help each other.

Healed individuals can provide support and encouragement to others facing similar struggles.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort others.” - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NLT)

6. We’d all be focussed on our divine purpose

Healing leads to peace in our lives, allowing us to focus on our divine purpose.

“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:7 (NLT)

7. Reflecting God’s Love

When we heal, we can better reflect God’s love and compassion to others.

“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.” - 1 John 4:7 (NLT)

Healing emotional wounds is crucial for personal well-being and spiritual growth. The process encourages forgiveness, restoration, and support from both God and others.

When you have well healed wounds you can trust God as you trust in the God of Hope he fills you with peace and joy so that you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

So how can we all have well healed wounds?

That’s a great question, I’m so glad you asked.

He is the one who heals our wounds

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Our role is to HEAL

H - Hasten healing: want to be healed. Jeremiah 17:14

E - Engage in Biblical Counselling. Proverbs 11:14

A - Always forgive with your whole heart. Matthew 18:35

L - Live unoffended at God. Matthew 11:2-6

H - Hasten healing: want to be healed

Jeremiah 17:14 (NIVUK) Heal me, Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are the one I praise.

My friend Gary and I are were doing a treasure hunt in a mall. He had a lot more experience than I did with it. But on this day, I was running into people I knew and everyone I asked wanted to get prayer for something. Garry was being turned down consistently, but the icing on the cake was a when a woman came hobbling by with a cane and Gary asked her if she’d like to be healed. She kept on walking and with more determination as she pulled her hanging jacket into her said, “I like my drugs.”

I’ve never met anyone with well healed wounds who didn’t want to get healed.

But I’ve met a lot of people who have learned to cope and have settled into coping.

And I’ve met a lot of Christians who feel it’s the burden God wants them to bear almost take pride in their wounds.

Remember the story of the Jesus healing the man by the pool of Bethesda? John 5:1-15 Jesus asked him “Do you want to be healed?”

What did he respond?  “I can’t…”  We can give God every excuse not to give us well healed wounds. There’s only one thing that I’ve seen break every excuse…

People who don’t want to get healed need a revelation of the love of God.

Those who need to cope need to treat all hardship as disciple knowing God is a Good Father and is working all things together for good and that He will finish the good work started in you, so seek His face always and live! Hebrews 12:7-11, 1 Chronicles 16:11; Amos 5:4

The ones who take pride in their wounds need to stop giving God credit for the works of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. John 10:10

The question you can ask is:

Do I want to have well healed wounds?

E - Engage in Biblical Counselling

Proverbs 11:14 Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.

All counselling can be beneficial. Biblical counselling is a form of guidance and support that draws on the teachings of the Bible to address emotional, psychological, and spiritual issues. It focuses on biblical truth and confession and repentance.

7 Benefits in Engaging with Biblical Counselling

1. Get God's Wisdom.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Biblical counselling seeks to align our understanding and actions with God's wisdom.

2. Find restoration and healing.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

Biblical counselling aims to bring individuals back to a place of emotional and spiritual health.

3. Obtain guidance in life’s challenges

Psalm 119:105  Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Biblical counselling helps individuals navigate life's difficulties with guidance rooted in Scripture.

4. Transform through renewing the mind.

Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Biblical counselling focuses on transforming thoughts and behaviours in accordance with God's Word.

5. Address sin and encourage growth.

Hebrews 12:1  Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Without confession there is no repentance and without repentance there is no meaningful change.

Biblical counselling can help individuals identify areas of sin or struggle in their lives and encourage them toward spiritual growth.

6. Encounter hope and encouragement.

1 Thessalonians 5:11  So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

Biblical counselling can provide hope and encouragement to those feeling lost or overwhelmed.

7. Receive Accountability:

Proverbs 27:17  As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

Biblical counselling fosters accountability, helping individuals stay committed to their spiritual and personal growth.

Biblical counselling that leads to Holy Spirit being your counsellor is—in my opinion—the fastest and most effective way to have well healed wounds. I’ve done enough biblical counselling to know how far I can get people to on 6 or 8 weeks of meeting. When I learned to have them hear Holy Spirit for themselves, I saw that 6 or 8 weeks shrink to 20-30 minutes… Biblical counselling should lead people to hearing Holy Spirit for themselves.

We’re going to give you time for that today.

The question you can ask is…

Do I need to seek out Biblical counselling?

A - Always forgive with your whole heart

Matthew 18:35 That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.

Your heart is the seat of your decision, the seat of your actions and the seat of your emotions. We choose to forgive, we bless in the name of Jesus and we should feel like we’ve forgiven. It’s effortless.

Sometimes it’s easy for us to feel forgiveness. We choose to forgive and we feel like we’ve forgiven.

Other times we don’t feel like we’ve forgiven. So—in a safe way—we bless those who curse us. When we do, we feel like we’ve forgiven.

Other times we can choose to forgive and safely bless and still don’t feel like we’ve forgiven.

It has nothing to do with the atrociousnes of the offence. It has everything to do with the lie we believe.

We need to get Holy Spirit to replace the lie with the truth. So let me re-introduce to you the How to Feel Like You’ve Forgiven Tool.

How to have GRACE to feel like you’ve forgiven tool

GRACE

G - Get in touch with the emotion

R - Remember when you felt like this before

A - Accept what the feeling reveals

C - Centre in on the truth

E - Examine if the feelings have changed

Let’s expand this…

G - Get in touch with the emotion

How does it make me feel? What comes to mind when I focus on what I’m feeling? When have I felt this way before?

R - Remember when you felt like this before

Is there an earlier emotion? How does that make me feel? Why do I feel that way? Why does believing _______ make me feel _____?

A - Accept what the feeling reveals

Not that it’s true, but does it feel true that _____?

C - Centre in on the truth

What does God say about what I believe?

Lord, what do you want me to know?

E - Examine if the feelings have changed

Does it still feel true that _______?

Does it feel like I’ve forgiven the offence against me?

The question you can ask is…

Do I feel like I’ve forgiven?

L - Live unoffended at God

When Karen and I  left our  family, friends, finances and future on the altar and left a church I loved to move to New Zealand and my Dad was diagnosed with Bulbar ALS and very quickly died, I didn’t have a language to say how I felt.

I was mad at God, but he’s the potter, I’m the clay. If he wanted me to be a lumpy cup that sat on the shelf that was his business. I complained like Jeremiah who said “God you set me up.” But I didn’t know how to move on from the lament.

It wasn’t until I heard a message by Bill Johnson that I had a language to use and path to get healing. He talked about John the Baptist.

Matthew 11:2-6 HCSB When John heard in prison what the Messiah was doing, he sent a message by his disciples and asked Him, “Are You the One who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” Jesus replied to them, “Go and report to John what you hear and see: the blind see, the lame walk, those with skin diseases are healed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor are told the good news. And if anyone is not offended because of Me, he is blessed.”

I was teaching this in a day seminar on hope and one of the participants closed up when I got to living unoffended at God. Her arms crossed and she slouched in her chair. I asked her what was going on. “I’m not offended at God. If God wanted to TAKE my husband, he can TAKE my husband.” She spat out the word take.

Over the years, I’ve found that’s a consistent theological response to emotional wounds.  So I’ve created a tool that I use to help people know if they may be offended at God.

How to recognize you may be OFFENDED at God Tool

Here's how to find if you may be OFFENDED at God

O - Overlook

If you can’t be still in His presence you may be offended at God.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 - "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work."

Do I let His word read me?

F - Fail

If you don’t spend time in His word, you may be offended at God.

If you can’t or won’t praise God with your whole heart, you may be offended at God.

Hebrews 13:15 - "Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name."

Can I praise Him with all of my heart?

F - Falter

If you can’t or won’t praise God with your whole heart, you may be offended at God.

If you’re easily offended at others, you may be offended at God.

Proverbs 19:11 - "Smart people learn more from one rebuke than fools learn from a hundred lashes."

Am I more easily ticked off by people?

E - Easily Offended

If you’re easily offended at others, you may be offended at God.

Proverbs 19:11 - "Smart people learn more from one rebuke than fools learn from a hundred lashes."

Am I more easily ticked off by people?

N - Neglect

If you neglect your relationship with God, you’re likely offended at God.

James 4:8 - "Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."

Do I do disciplines that bring me life?

D - Distance

If you rarely confess AND repent, there is a good chance you’re offended at God.

Isaiah 59:2 - "It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore."

When was the last time I confessed to God and repented?

E - Examine-less

If you refuse to examine your ways, you’re likely offended at God.

Lamentations 3:40 - "Instead, let us test and examine our ways. Let us turn back to the Lord."

Do I avoid examining my ways?

D - Doubt

If you don’t do what he tells you you to do, you’re likely offended at him

James 1:6 - "But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind."

Do I doubt God will be true to His word?

What is the solution when you're offended at God?

Confession and repentance

Confession - Agreeing with God you’re offended at Him.

Example: Learn to LAMENT. Go to the Psalms or Lamentations and read until you find something that feels the same way you do. Agree with God, that is how you feel.

Repentance - Changing your mind and going in the opposite direction

Example. Almost all the psalms of laments turn to praise.

What I have learned to do to live unoffended at God is that I choose to STAND:

S - Stop giving God credit for the works of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. - John 10:10

T- Treat all hardship as discipline knowing He is a Good Father and is working all things together for good and that He will finish the good work He started in me; so I seek His face always and live! Hebrews 12:7-11, 1 Chronicles 16:11; Amos 5:4- Hebrews 12:7-11 v.v.

A - Agree to cast all my cares upon Him, because he cares for me and use my prayer time to exchange my problems for His peace. - 1 Peter 5:7

N- Never forget that the God of all hope fills me with all peace and joy as I trust in Him, so that I can overflow with hope by the power of Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

D - Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything and thank him in all things, knowing that’s His will for me. - Philippians 4:6-7

The question you can ask yourself:

Am I living offended at God?

Conclusion

You can have well healed wounds. It’s God’s will for you to have well healed wounds. You can HEAL.

H - Hasten healing: Want to be healed Jeremiah 17:14 Do I want to have well healed wounds?

E - Engage in Biblical Counselling Proverbs 11:14 Do I need to seek out Biblical Counselling?

A - Always forgive with your whole heart Matthew 18:35 Do I feel like I’ve forgiven?

L - Live unoffended at God Matthew 11:2-6  Am I living offended at God?

When you HEAL, you’ll know you’re healed because people will see gravitas in you.

It [gravitas] speaks to a soul that has developed enough spiritual mass to be attractive, like gravity. It makes the soul appear old, but gravitas has nothing to do with age. It has everything to do with wounds that have healed well, failures that have been redeemed, sins that have been forgiven, and thorns that have settled into the flesh. These severe experiences with life expand the soul until it appears larger than the body that contains it. Then it is large enough to proclaim a holy joy, which makes the soul so attractive.

Can I pray?

Lord, we have been through the waters and you have been with us. We’ve passed through the rivers and not been overwhelmed. We have been through the flames and not been burned up. You have been so, so good to us. Help us want to be healed and find good and godly counsel. Help us replace the lies with your truth and feel like we’ve forgiven and help us always to live unoffended at you.

Time of reflection…let Holy Spirit work.

Next Steps

Learn how to Forgive with Your Whole Heart with the Live LIGHT with Your Whole Heart Learn more at https://revtrev.link/heart

The Only Way to Feel Like You’ve Forgiven

How can you feel like you’ve forgiven? Have you ever decided to forgive but didn’t feel like you really forgave? You might have been able to choose to forgive and even bless those who cursed you, but what do your feelings tell you about what you really believe that you've done? Jesus told us to forgive with our whole heart. Learn what that means and how you easily know when you’ve forgiven with your whole heart.

In this message, we explore the only way to truly feel like you have forgiven. Learn practical tips and insights on how to let go of past hurts and move forward with inner peace. Whether you're struggling with personal relationships or seeking emotional healing, this guide will help you navigate the journey of forgiveness. Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe for more content on personal growth and mental health.

Trevor H. Lund is the founder of Live LIGHT Academy at https://livelight.ca/ and the Chief Storyteller at https://revtrev.com He helps you give thanks with your whole heart https://revtrev.link/heart Check out https://revtrev.com/tv for past videos and live casts and https://revtrev.com/radio to subscribe to his podcast wherever you listen.

Listen to The Only Way to Feel Like You’ve Forgiven

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Read the transcript of The Only Way to Feel Like You’ve Forgiven

I'm praising God because I have not been loopy for the whole last two weeks. I am knocking stuff out of the park, and it's just awesome. Yes, I'm happy. It's one thing to praise God in the middle of the storm, and it's another thing to praise God simply because you want to. It’s nice to be in that place where it’s easy to praise God.

I want to pray for all of you that if you're not in that place, choose to praise God now. But if you are in that place, that's where we all want to be—walking with God in the garden in the cool of the day. It becomes so easy to sing His praises and give Him thanks because He's showing us all the cool things around us. Like, “Oh, isn’t that cool? It’s snowing!” Excellent! Don’t be surprised; it’s November. Last week, Pastor Shawn taught on unity, and one of the tools that God gives us for unity is forgiveness.

Have you decided to forgive, but not feel like you’ve forgiven?

Have you ever had someone or a situation where you thought you had forgiven, but it didn’t feel like you had? If you haven’t, wait; it will come sometime in your life. You’ve made that choice to forgive. You really have. Yet, it’s tough to think about it. You want to avoid that person because it is possible to feel like you've forgiven. It really is. That’s what we’re going to talk about today. I’m going to pray now, and then we’ll get into the scripture.

Heavenly Father, I want to thank You for being God. Thank You for Your greatness and thank You, Lord God, for turning all things together for good. Thank You, Lord God, that even what the enemy meant for evil, You will turn around for good. I thank You, Lord God, that lives are being changed today. I thank You, Lord God, that souls are being touched today. And Lord, we commit this all into Your holy and precious name. Amen.

Matthew 18 - Jesus talks about Forgiveness

I'm going to read a little bit more just to give you context in Matthew 18 because it’s something we very rarely teach on, but it’s in the book and we need to know it. Starting at verse 15 of Matthew 18: "If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won't listen, take one or two more with you so that by the testimony of two or three, every fact may be established. If he pays no attention to them, tell the church. But if he doesn't pay attention to even the church, let him be like an unbeliever and a tax collector.

I assure you, whatever you bind on earth has already been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth is already loosed in heaven. Again, I assure you, if two or three of you agree about any matter that you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among you."

Let’s Contine...

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Seven? Is it as many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I tell you, not as many as seven," but "seventy times seven." For this reason, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began to settle accounts, the one who owed 10,000 talents was brought before him. Since he had no way to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything be sold to pay off the debt. At this, the slave fell face down before him and said, "Be patient with me and I will pay you everything."

Then the master of that slave had compassion and released him and forgave him the loan. But the slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100 denarii.

Forgiveness is costly

Let’s just pause here. A denarius was one day's wages. So 100 denarii was about a third of your salary for the year—this was not an insignificant amount. Some translations say a few thousand dollars; however, in our economy, it doesn’t matter—but it was a significant amount.

He grabbed him and started choking him and said, "Pay me what you owe!"

At this, his fellow slave fell down and began begging, "Be patient with me, and I will pay you back." He wasn’t willing; on the contrary, he went and threw him in prison until he could pay what he was owed. When the other slaves saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. Then after he had summoned him, his master said to him, "You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Shouldn't you also have had mercy on your fellow slave as I had mercy on you?"

His master got angry and handed him over to the jailers until he could pay everything that was owed. So my heavenly Father will do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from his heart.

Didn’t know about forgiving with your whole heart

I didn’t know what it meant to forgive with your whole heart until I showed a friend of mine this portion of scripture. I ran into him at church one day; he had a big lump on his head. I asked him what happened, and he hesitantly told me that he was walking down the stairs when a demon tripped him and he fell down the stairs. I was intrigued—what a good story! I found out he had been seeing demons in his house; this was the first time one of them had done something harmful, but he needed help. Could I come help? Sure! No problem!

So Karen and I went over to their house and prayed in the places where he’d seen the demons. It was clear—they were there because they thought they had a legal right to be there. So we went through some things to shut those doors for them. He thought that was a good idea.

Using Steps in Freedom in Christ

We used Neil T. Anderson's steps in "Freedom in Christ." A big part of what Neil does is walk through forgiveness. We got to the point where we normally ask people: Is there anyone you need to forgive? Most people think about it for a while—but not this guy! Right away he said his wife and father without even thinking!

I had to make sure he didn’t mean his wife who was sitting next to him on the couch. No! It was his first wife he was talking about! Okay—that's great! Without finding out more of the story, I decided my wife would stand in for his wife and ask for forgiveness so he could forgive her.

Karen tried to object at that point, saying he should forgive his father first. I said, “Yeah, just do it this way.” You’ve got to listen to your wife—especially if she’s prophetic! Oh my goodness! In about two minutes, I had to step in front of Karen because this guy looked like he was going to jump across the coffee table and strangle her!

I said, "Okay! Time out! Let’s hear the rest of this story; something else is going on here.” What had actually happened was this guy and his wife were part of a Christian organization together. His father had an affair with somebody else in that organization, and a leader in that organization told him: "You do not forgive them until they come and ask for forgiveness." And I thought—oh! Here it is! Matthew!

Let’s read Matthew. I got to the point where it says they’ll be handed over to the jailers—that's what God has done to you! The tormentors—the version I was using at the time called them tormentors—are present because of your unforgiveness.

Should have listened to my wife

Karen piped up again: “He’s not going to be able to trust the Father to forgive his wife unless he forgives his father first.” Brilliant woman—I’m hearing you! Yeah—that makes sense! So I stood in the place of his father and asked for forgiveness while blessing him as a father; then Karen stepped forward as well so he could forgive his father.

It wasn’t easy—it was tough—but eventually he worked through it; it wasn’t as violent as before but he forgave his first wife too. In all the time we knew him afterward, he never saw demons again in his house.

Forgiveness is abostulely critical

Forgiveness is absolutely critical for us. Where are we at? At that time, I didn’t know what it meant to forgive with your whole heart; if I had known—I think we could have helped him a lot more.

What I've learned since is that the Hebrew understanding of heart is that it is not only the seat of our emotions but also the seat of our decisions and actions. I had known all along—or learned—that sometimes people can make the decision to forgive; sometimes we make that decision and feel forgiveness—we feel like we’ve forgiven; we have that peace—we’re done.

Other people can make the choice to forgive but if they don’t bless that person—either verbally or in some safe way—they may never feel like they’ve forgiven them. And then there are others who can make the choice and feel like they’ve forgiven—or not make the choice but still bless someone—and yet never feel like they’ve forgiven.

And I'm not even saying it's only people sometimes—it can be situations we face too! Many times I make a choice and feel forgiveness; other times I have to make that choice and then bless someone before I feel forgiveness; then there are times when I have some junk I need to work through before feeling forgiveness—but eventually I do.

Forgiving with your whole heart

I've learned how to feel forgiveness for every offense. I learned about forgiveness when I was a young pastor—and by young I mean too young—I can't believe what God entrusted to me when I was that young!

One lady came to our church after seeing a sign we put up; whoever put up that sign used pink letters—pink was her favorite color—so she felt God was telling her to come here! Her husband had an affair; he wasn’t a Christian; she found out about it and confronted him—and led him to Christ!

Now she was trying to find a church for him because she didn’t want anything more to do with him—basically in her mind she believed God had forgiven him for his sins—so if she let him off the hook then he would get off scot-free!

We met many times over weeks; finally in one of our last meetings I had a word of knowledge—I knew this was not a blanket statement for everyone—but it was certain for her! I told her if she didn’t choose to forgive her husband within six months she would not believe God existed!

Because when Jesus taught us how to pray He said: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive others.” If we don’t do that—He can't forgive us—and then separation occurs! She was blown away by this; she said she couldn’t believe it—God is the only thing getting her through this—how could she ever not believe God existed?

Another story on feeling like you’ve forgiven

Around that time another lady came into church wearing dark glasses and a hoodie pulled over her head; when she sat in my office she positioned herself against the wall near the window so there would be no line of sight from outside.

She showed me a button she had—that would summon police within two minutes—but her husband was a sharpshooter; she figured he told her he would shoot her from a distance! She was an abused and fragile person. And me—a young pastor—I said: “You know—you’ve got to forgive them.”

Her eyes got big: “I can’t live with them anymore!” “No!” I exclaimed. “Forgiveness and trust are two separate things! Forgiveness is between you and God; trust must be earned! He has lost that right!”

You do not put yourself in harm's way in order for someone else to regain trust—do not do that!

I don’t remember much after that but she made that decision eventually—to forgive—and something changed!

Six months after she had forgiven

Six months later while preaching at church this beautiful lady came in and sat at the back with a huge smile on her face—it was strange—people don’t smile like that for no reason!

Afterward I approached her because I needed to find out why she was smiling so much! About six months after our encounter—I went up alongside her—she jumped up and hugged me! Literally—I said: “Nice to meet you! Have you met my wife?” because I had no idea who she was!

Once she broke the embrace she told me who she was—I couldn’t believe it—she was the same woman who’d been covered up in dark glasses before! She said she was so happy because she testified against her husband—he is going to jail for a long time!

She is now in witness protection—leaving today—but just had come by today because she wanted me to know that when she chose to forgive everything changed.

The ongoing story about forgiveness caught my eye

Then something caught my attention—I turned around and saw the husband of the first woman; he had been attending church this whole time—growing in grace and knowledge of God—part of a care group—and meeting weekly with me!

Before that service he had told me his wife doesn’t believe in God anymore—but he’s going to keep loving her until she does again! Both stories are horrific—but both have happy endings!

Another story about feeling like you’ve forgiven

Another young woman came asking for advice—she wasn’t married but told me she was pregnant; she said she had a friend over for supper who slipped something into her drink—and when she woke up she realized she’d been raped—and now she was pregnant!

She asked if God would forgive her if she had an abortion—to get rid of this child! “You’re asking the wrong question,” I said; “For your sake—and your child’s sake—you need to ask: Can I forgive him?”

I talked with her about forgiveness; she chose forgiveness—but nothing changed right away! Then I asked: “Can you bless him in Jesus’ name? Can you bless whatever goodness he may find? That God would bless him?”

It wasn't an easy prayer—but once done—a big smile came over her face as she said: “I’m going to keep my baby!”

Some time later she sent me a letter with a photograph enclosed—she moved back with her mom—and wrote: “Thank you so much for helping me forgive because this baby is God's blessing!”

With her it wasn’t just making a choice—it required action too!

Follow up on other story about feeling like you’ve forgiven

I should tell you how things ended with that first lady and her husband—we ran into them years later—they invited us over because they wanted us to meet their son!

She eventually chose forgiveness—and when we sat down together it was really strange; she told me: “Trevor—I think you were a little harsh with me back then.”

I replied: “I think you were a little stubborn!”

But we’re still friends—we haven’t seen them in a while.

What feeling forgiveness means to us

Oh my goodness—horrific things can happen—and sometimes people feel they’ve forgiven—but then someone forgets to call me—and suddenly I'm angry again—even though I say: “Okay God—I forgive them,” deep down I'm still upset with them!

It seems feeling forgiven has less to do with harm caused by offense—and more about lies we don’t allow Holy Spirit to heal with truth!

Let me say that again: feeling like we've forgiven has less do with harm from offense—and more about lies we let Holy Spirit heal with truth!

Our heart is where our decisions lie—as well as our actions and emotions—when we forgive—it’s indeed a decision!

Lies we can believe to keep us from forgiving

Sometimes those lies can simply be replaced by truth—let me give some examples:

The lie is: The offender won't pay if I forgive.

• The truth is: Matthew 18:25 states: “So my heavenly Father will also do if you don't forgive your brother from your heart.” If we don’t forgive others—God can’t forgive us—it hurts us!

Another lie might be: "I don't trust God; I won’t let them off the hook."

• The truth is Romans 12:19: "Dear friends never take revenge; leave righteous anger up to God." For scripture says: "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the Lord.

Another lie could be: "I won’t forgive unless they ask for forgiveness."

• The truth is Jesus taught us how we should pray: “Forgive us our sins as we have forgiven those who sin against us.”

Another lie might sound like: "I'm not hurting anyone if I don’t forgive."

• Oh did you catch that? In the story read earlier—the king threw the servant in jail until he could pay back all owed—does this make sense?

It hurts everyone if we don’t forgive

It only makes sense if you understand it affects family & friends who must raise money/work hard so he can be released!

Who you don’t forgive affects me! Who I don’t forgive affects you! It matters—it’s not just between me & God—it impacts all of us & generations following!

We have got to forgive!

Another lie could be: "I won’t forgive until I feel like it."

• The truth is Luke 6:45: "A good person produces good things from their heart's treasury while an evil person produces evil things from theirs." What flows out from our heart reveals our true beliefs!

That’s key here—the key is our emotions reveal what we truly believe!

Our emotions tell us what we truly believe

Now here’s good news—some listening now or watching later have heard these verses echoed—and this truth replaces lies—and healing occurs!

Holy Spirit has infused truth allowing some of you say: “I forgive so-and-so for such-and-such” and suddenly feel forgiven—all at once—it’s awesome!

For some situations—that may be enough aligning our whole heart—but our heart also serves as seat of action—which is why prayers spoken as blessings align ourselves with God's heart too.

If safe—we can express appreciation or serve in ways appreciated by those we've hurt—doing this sends raindrops on both righteous & unrighteous alike—as your good Father does for all.

We don’t do these acts solely for their sake—we do them for ours when loving those who’ve wronged us—a blessing shared brings healing!

When doing this—you can say now: “God—I bless so-and-so in Jesus’ name; bless prosperity upon them; bless health unto them!”

What they meant for evil—you’re turning around for good—that's all needed—a simple blessing spoken over them could suffice!

That action might replace lies—with truth allowing Holy Spirit healing—that heart serves as seat of decisions/actions/emotions—we've established.

I've developed tools aiding this process—I’ve used them personally many times—the thing...

Okay—I’m pretty good with most people! However—the thing needing Holy Spirit's help most occurs when someone hurts someone dear—and I'm powerless—instead go before God saying: “What lie am I believing?”

Is it I'm not enough? Is my belief causing doubt He'll take care? What lie?

As I approach Holy Spirit—He reveals what needs healing allowing me eventually feeling I've forgiven.

Use GRACE to feel like you’ve forgiven

The tool is called GRACE—I intentionally use word grace—I won’t tell why—but think you'll figure it out:

G - Get in touch with emotions.
R - Remember feelings associated with past similar events.
A - Accept what feelings reveal.
C - Center upon truth.
E - Examine whether feelings have changed.

That’s all okay? What does this mean?

So G means getting familiarized with emotions—what am I feeling? What feelings arise recalling offense against me? If able name them great! If not ask Lord revealing deeper truths.

R means exploring previous times felt similarly—why does prior event resonate? What belief surfaces?

A means accepting feelings even if wrong—they may feel true—it's not real God left forsaken—you may feel abandoned but His plans prosper—not harm! Whatever Holy Spirit reveals there...

C means centering upon truth—Holy Spirit show actual events occurring—you thought alone when really He carried & led ahead—you may see truth shatter lies held tightly!

Finally E means examining feelings after truth revealed—what feels different now having processed?

So if previously felt pressure recalling offense against self? Now consider why can't feel like I’ve forgiven?

Explore honest thoughts toward individual—is there still pain lingering? If feeling forgiving great—you’re done but if not explore further queries surrounding feelings?

Thank Him revealing truths—is there confession/repentance necessary?

This serves as form aiding feelings toward forgiveness.

Don’t “Forgive God” instead Live unoffended at Him

If needing God’s forgiveness isn’t mentioned specifically within text remember—you needn’t live offended at Him either!

How do live without offense? Know need living unoffended—but feeling offended isn’t reality—use GRACE—to navigate memory needing trust restored or goodness revealed.

If asking forgiveness get heart right first exploring why acted out hurting others using grace tool discovering triggers behind behavior leading needing repentance.

In A Season When People Take Offence

We’re currently amidst seasons where everyone takes offense—a season trying link offense as harm.

If offended thus harmed necessitating restitution—that’s completely wrong—I offend folks constantly while speaking truth yet they desire apologies when holding onto offenses themselves!

Get over yourselves folks—we cannot abide these lies any longer!

But listen—the darker nights bring brighter lights shining forth—we must shine brightly showing God's love amidst unforgiveness held captive within hearts unable functioning freely!

Keep short accounts choosing forgiveness actively blessing those wronging—you’ll find healing follows discovering God's grace anew each day!

Jesus stated—you’ll know truth setting free! Believe Jesus truth revealed through knowing Him ultimately leads toward healing received abundantly!

Conclusion

Will stand together today? In closing—

If Holy Spirit spoke directly today or later viewing online contact us—we’ll help navigate process needed toward freedom achieved together!

If present here today prompted by Holy Spirit remember not leaving without allowing His healing grace flow freely within life!

We can chat distant or closer depending comfort level—not broadcasted ensuring trust remains intact.

Remember don’t leave without seeking freedom today—we were created unto freedom!

Prayer

So Heavenly Father—I speak freedom unto every heart present today—I release every lie believed preventing healing occurring because unhealed truths remain hidden from view within hearts unaware needing restoration sought after fully expressed unconditionally received through grace presented daily before followers seeking forgiveness offered freely without conditions attached whatsoever—

Thank You Lord—you’ve done great work within us promising completion toward wholeness achieved continually flourishing abundantly radiating through lives touched around us daily revealing hope restored life ignited within darkest corners existing within hearts seeking light shining bright throughout our lives illuminating paths walked forward boldly embracing future full grace received freely given unconditionally poured forth liberally upon lives surrounding—

You’re too many bound by offense today—we speak directly spirit offenses go forth name Jesus releasing every burden held captive causing divisions amongst brethren hindering growth experienced together walking unity reflecting light shining brightly illuminating paths forward leading toward hope renewed life restored fully embracing grace received freely given unconditionally welcomed extended unto others reflecting kindness displayed freely encountered daily—

May know goodness Lord reign fully alive land living experiencing fullness joy dwelling eternal presence continually experienced leading forth life abundantly lived out each day reflecting hope restored life continually experienced walking alongside those journeying homeward through presence Holy Spirit guiding hearts navigating trials faced while ensuring peace reigns supremely within hearts gathered here today united together purpose serving faithfully sharing love extending grace unto others reflecting kindness displayed graciously throughout lives touched forevermore—

In name Jesus praying boldly believing receiving answers swiftly provided according perfect will glorifying Father ultimately bringing honor glory unto Him forevermore—

Amen! Amen! You may be seated.